


One Of A Kind Salad

by CarlsGotBones



Category: Original Work
Genre: mentions of North Korea, publix, your ex is a doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 20:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17453840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlsGotBones/pseuds/CarlsGotBones
Summary: Publix.......The day you met your True Love.........





	One Of A Kind Salad

As you enter the Publix© of your choice, the cool air wooshes your eyebrows. As you fix them back to their original state you pull out the shopping list your mother gave you. At the top of the list, syrup. You go through the list one by one, tossing them aimlessly into the Publix© Grocery Cart. Then it is time for the produce section. While you debate which broccoli has more seeds, you hear a voice from below (not your crotch ya horny bastard), you look to the ground to see a singular lettuce. "hey...Pick me up...do sex with me..." It said. That sounded like a reasonable request. You picked it up and realized....It was Romaine Lettuce. Father warned you about Romaine Lettuce, as did the news, and literally everybody else. Romaine Lettuce is dangerous. It makes people sick. It makes people.....sad. You slap he lettuce to the ground and run out of the Publix© sobbing quietly, then loudly, then quietly again. Everyone thinks it's the alarm for the nuclear bombs being sent from North Korea. Everyone panics, trampling the Romaine Lettuce, your one true love. You run home to find the Romaine Lettuce has reincarnated in your bedroom. You then make sweet disgusting sex to each other. When it leaves (no pun intended), you go to the doctor for E. Coli poison. The doctor is your ex & he kills you with bad medicine.

**Author's Note:**

> uwu


End file.
